General Malaise

In which I blather quite a lot

I'm in one of those moods where I feel like doing nothing. Literally nothing. I have SO MUCH to do, and I think that may be part of what's paralyzing me. It's important stuff that matters to me and I really don't want to mess it up. The problem, of course, is that not doing anything is way, way worse than trying. Buuuut I can't convince myself of that at the moment.

Instead, I have partaken in some excellent Passive Entertainment by watching The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. I know, the internet hype over it is over, since it was all uploaded 1-2 years ago. I did try to watch it in "real time," but honestly it's a lot easier to understand and follow when I can watch them one after the other after the other after.... Yeah so that's my time gone. The Mrs. Bennet impressions are hilarious. Also the one where Jane is Darcy. And as is my tendency, I had to look up what else the actors have done. Ashley Clements was on Felicia Day's channel. And a random style channel. Daniel Vincent Gordh himself uploaded a pretty great video. I think it's called an audition reel? Or something?

And then I got sucked into the other Austen YT adaptation that is Emma Approved. I don't like it as much as LBD, partially because Emma is not likable. And sure, characters don't have to be likable. But people also don't have to watch.

And NOW I am watching Squaresville, which Mary Kate Wiles is in. I tried School of Thrones a year ago, but I refuse to watch/read Game of Thrones until it's all done (which may be never), so it didn't make much sense to me.

The problem I have is that whenever I get wrapped up in fictional worlds, I really want them to be real and continue. This wasn't so bad when I was a kid and read loads of books, but now I can only muster the energy to read one once in a while, so when the pseudo-nostalgia and longing hit me, they hit hard. Like what if Lizzie and Darcy were real people and that was really their story and they really have a disgustingly sweet life together now? AND WHY WON'T THEY PUT UP MORE VIDEOS.

Really, I think this was all a bit of escapism. From my "boring" daily life. In reality, if I spent my time doing things instead of watching things (like all good characters seem to), then I would have my own story. Or at least a montage for the YT adaptation of it.

PS I would apologize for not posting in forever, but that does no one any good. I tried my hand at making an idyllic little blog where I use a DSLR and talk about outings and things that can be packaged nicely for the pics, but instead here are my feelings hope you enjoy this nonsense~

PPS This probably won't happen, but on the off chance that any of the LBD actors find this: I loved your work, let us (the internet fans) know when you're in something new. I might desperately need the distraction again down the road~

What Life Has Been Like Lately

I'm a student. The majority of the time, I am sitting somewhere. This is not interesting, beyond the fact that this will likely cause spinal problems in my old age.

Some classes I'm in require/suggest going to events. The proof that I was there is taking a photo of me while I am there. While this does prove I was where I say I was, this has the short-term effect of making me look self-obsessed.

Because you see, I am an awkward person who has trouble communicating with others on a conversational, acquaintance-level basis. When I have to ask someone else (a stranger, nonetheless) to do anything for me, I must actually require them to do it. There must not be any other possible way for me to get this photo. Therefore, I have many selfies on my phone and many sad attempts at selfies. A smattering:

While these are hilarious in retrospect, the people behind me think I'm trying to use reverse-psychology stealth to take myriad photos of them.

So, this has been a life update. #failselfie~

Youtube Imitates Life

I guess the first step in writing about what's happened is to announce the fact that I in no way know these people personally. I have followed their Youtube channels and music for a while online. Also, the vast majority of what I mention is my opinion, or in reference to the link below.

If you have no idea what I am referring to: http://unpleasantmyles.tumblr.com/post/79455706244/heres-the-post-olga-made-about-tom-milsom-and

In short: some (more) male youtubers have been exposed as manipulative, abusive shitbags in their personal/sexual relationships. What is really alarming is that they have young female fans. Fangirls. I have not looked through the notes on Alex's "apology" post that was really a Cover Your Ass (CYA) post, but apparently a lot of them, at least initially, were insisting the anonymous confessions were false and Alex was completely innocent. I have a hard time believing that when so many people, anonymous and not, have relayed similar accounts of what his behavior was like.

What got to me personally is that when I initially saw photos of Alex and Tom, I did think they were kind of creepy looking. But Charlie said they were friends of his and really, Charlie is a beam of sunlight on a summer's day. So I put aside my initial reaction and thought I was learning not to judge a book by its cover, etc. Nope. Obviously my gut feelings are not the only way to judge people, but they're not wrong.

This also brings up the interesting point that fans are united in their interest, but really not in any other way. Because it seems that a fair number of those assaulted/manipulated were initially fans of these people, and yet other fans turn against them for the sake of some "internet famous" person they don't know. At all.

And one last point that just makes me chuckle: Alex made so many videos of "I haven't sold out, I'm just sharing something I'm proud to have made." Clearly, his persuasive skills showed up in other ways. Him and his cousin Danny made a card game that they sell to people. Apparently they are both complete assholes.

And sure, you can argue they didn't know better, didn't know what consent was. But the way Alex talks about things in his apology and the way ex-friends of his have responded to it make it clear that he is trying to get as close to lying as possible while still telling the technical truth.

I hope these cases provide a way to really educate the people who are in this fandom/community/internet about a) what consent actually is and b) how to better tell who to stay away from.

Had to share my thoughts on this so I can get some work done.

Trekking Home

One of my parents dropped my off to get a facial done. It was relatively soothing in that someone else wiped soap and water onto my face. The less fun part was comedone extraction. I have yet to cry or scream during a session, and I wear this fact with pride.

 Afterward, I found out it'd be another hour before anyone could pick me up. I could have easily whiled away an hour sitting inside Starbucks staring at my phone, but I decided to walk home, all 5 and a half miles, in converse and jeans. And a shirt. I did wear a shirt.

It took me over an hour and a half and my feet hurt pretty badly for the last half mile, but it gave me some new perspective. Which sounds really dumb--I do ambulate on occasion, but in Texas it's really rare to walk for transportation rather than exercise. Seeing all the cars zoom past me, I thought about how we all drive cars, yet the city still installs sidewalks. I suppose their main reasoning is that people may want to be healthy and take walks. I did see some of that, but the larger point I saw is that cars may be a lot more convenient, but if the apocalypse ever happened and/or there was no more gas, well. Everyone and the zombies would be on the sidewalk.

 I refrained from taking photos because most of my journey was on roads within or between neighborhoods, and I have no interest in including that in my online lark. But I did see a quaint-looking one story house with a quarter of its roof covered in solar panels. Surprises will always surprise.

 My glamour shots of the art museum will be posted, but I did something a little unusual and spontaneous today and thought I'd share.

A Lazy Day

I spent today eating, reading, and watching videos on Youtube. So productive, I know. But I did decide to wear something besides a t-shirt and baggy gym shorts.

For some reason the turtleneck looks very strange on me. It's the neon color and/or my jawline. Either way, I think wearing a scarf over it would help. I tried out something unusual with the outfit today, but there is one more basic item I have been loving that I didn't get to wear due to being an indoor human today:

I got them on a whim while looking through a sales rack that had already been well picked over. It seems like most everyone else has a nice default pair of knee-high leather boots that go with most things in the winter, so this is me following the trend. I prefer shorter shoes because they seem more casual and therefore versatile to me. Also, never in my life have I ridden a horse, so I think that would just be lying. I'm not sure what sort of steed I would ride in these boots. A miniature pony, maybe?

I ate some instant mac and cheese for the first time in years and it was not a good decision.

This looks like normal pasta with some watery cheese sauce on it, but it tasted so vile. It's the fake-cheese smell that got to me. I definitely don't have the tastebuds I did when I was 10. But honestly, being a legal adult I should have known this wouldn't end well. Humans are not meant to eat gooey shit from bags. Add that to the list of profound things I've said in my life.

This is the extent of all eventfulness today. Tomorrow I'll be going to an art museum, so hopefully that will yield something more interesting. 

PS I'm on bloglovin! 

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Introduction

This blog has technically existed since 2007, but I have redacted my embarrassing middle school posts and given it a verbal fresh coat of paint (read: a new title). In this space, I will be sharing what my life is like, hopefully finding people who can sympathize and/or ogle at it for whatever reason. For instance, I struggle to exercise regularly, to find worthy causes, to do school, and, sometimes, to have adequate self esteem.

You will be hearing much about these things and more as I share (more like spew) my thoughts and feelings. Below is what my face looks like, so you can visualize who is typing out all this.

Hopefully I have not invited my blog to be a creepy space. Creepers, stay away.